Anti-Bucket List and 'Do Not Do' Lists

I’ve been making to-do lists, bucket lists and goal lists for practically as long as I can remember.  Whereas most of my 5th grade friends’ school-issued academic planners got shoved to the back of their desks or the bottoms of their backpacks after the first weeks of the year, I noted assignments, friends’ birthdays and due dates with highest attention from September through June. In the summer, my best friend and I, who spent our days at the pool together, crafted summer goals, committing to swimming laps and perfecting back dives during “kid swim” and doing crunches and push ups on the pavement during “adult swim” (the 15 minutes of each hour that the pool was off-limits to kids).  Short of baby-dom and toddler-hood, there hasn’t been a period in my life when I haven’t been supremely drawn to organizing my time.    

What I was a stranger to until recently, however, are anti-bucket lists and do-not-do lists.  I first heard of a “do-not-do list” from a North Carolinian blogger, Emily Thomas, who writes “to have as much time as I need for the things I want, I must be ruthless about not filling time with things I don’t care about or that aren’t a priority for me.”  She goes on to list some of the things she doesn’t do, including painting her nails, going to the mall, owning a dog, scrolling on Facebook, getting together with girlfriends and cleaning (except the bare minimum). 

Soon after reading this post, I stumbled across an old New York Times article in which the reporter, Sarah Lyall, wrote: “All of us have anti-bucket lists of things we do not want to do before we die, and mine includes any activity requiring potentially embarrassing public participation.”

I love this idea of keeping a “do-not-do” list and an “anti-bucket” list for a few reasons.  For starters, as Thomas notes, getting clear about what we don’t value enough to spend time on helps us ensure that there is enough time to spend on the things that we do value.  It can be easy to mindlessly waste time, and making a list of what we won’t do can help keep us from slipping into the time-waste vortex. 

Additionally, while I love making life-goals and bucket lists, sometimes I start to feel existentially overwhelmed by the abundance of opportunities life presents: travel here, take a trip there, pursue this line of work, earn that award, celebrate this event, try that hobby, and so on.  Life is both short and abounding with possibilities! 

Creating an anti-bucket list helps me remember that I don’t have to do everything, because I don’t even want to do everything. It gives me a sense of spaciousness when I openly name that I have zero desire to sky dive, bungee jump or hang glide, just like it helps me focus when I explicitly say no to things like watching TV shows, shopping and putting on makeup most days. 

What’s on your do-not-do and anti-bucket lists? 

Considering this question can help you use your professional, family, and leisure time wisely and fully.