Why You Aren't Getting Everything You Want

As entrepreneurs and leaders, I think one of the most common (and honestly, sometimes damaging) stories we are fed is that our “big why” has to be some totally selfless thing.

And look. Don’t get me wrong.

I have a lot of things I want to do with my money and influence.

But that’s just not what wakes me up in the morning and keeps me going on the hard days most of the time.

I want to be self expressed. I want to have all the things I want and live a life I’m wildly obsessed with. I want freedom for myself.

When I have that, I have so much more space and resources to do even more.

I hear this from my clients all the time. This guilt that comes from having a more “selfish” why. For wanting to provide for your family, to travel, to have luxury, to have unlimited freedom. Of course they want to make a big impact, but we’ve been conditioned to think that we are selfish and greedy if we also want things for ourselves.

So, let’s redefine this story.

Because it gets to be both.

You get to be selfish and selfless. It literally just doesn’t feel complete when it’s one without the other.

What I know to be true, is that when women have money, power and influence, they do good for others. Their family, communities, organizations, etc., all benefit when we make money and have our needs taken care of.

Women give. We nurture. We support. We build and grow. That’s what we innately do.

So the more resources we get in our hands, the bigger the ripple effect of healing and change.

So give yourself permission to want it for yourself, too. To have your own needs and desires met and exceeded AND the big why for the impact of your work in the world.

In my case, for example, I choose on occasion to travel first class AND give away money in the same month because I claim what I want and make the money to be able to do that. I can buy a designer bag, support local artisans, build a school in Africa, give money to the crisis at the border, eat a five-star meal, leave a massive 50-100% tip for service providers, have a personal stylist, own a Mercedes and whatever else I want.

You can too.

I find so many incredible women are scared to either share their desire or proximity to luxury.

Or, they’ve been shamed for sharing the good they do or they feel like if they promote their wealth or generosity people will always want or expect more or even judge they aren’t doing enough

But, we have to talk about this. We have to be willing to share our income and impact. We have to be willing to put ourselves out there and talk about this and be celebrated and called to do better, too.

Are you with me?

Julia Wells is a Women’s Empowerment Coach who helps leaders find their voices, lean into their fears, and become a greater force for good in the world. She is fiercely committed to sisterhood and creating communities where women feel safe, supported, and seen. Julia landed in the Bay Area when she ditched corporate to explore entrepreneurship. She feels most alive when singing obnoxiously in the car, chasing a sunset, or practicing Buti Yoga.