My Future Self is in Cahoots with My Current Self
I wrote a letter to my Future Self today that will be delivered to me one year from now (check out this great site that will automate this process for you).
Consulting with my Future Self is not new for me. For the past few years, I have made it an active practice to consult with my Future Self regularly—when everything is going well and, even more importantly, when things seem to be falling apart.
When things are going well, my Future Self inspires me to pump the gas harder. She encourages me to make my dreams more daring. She channels all those amazing feelings of accomplishment, success and victory that jolt me to take action. She cheers me on, reminding me that anything I want is truly possible.
When things are going badly, my Future Self slips out of the cheerleader role and into the comfort role. She helps me shift from feelings of paralysis to activation. She reminds me that this mountain is just a teacher in disguise. She grounds me in the belief that “this too shall pass.”
Consulting my Future Self today, however, felt a bit different. While it was comforting and liberating to call to the mat the pain and anger I feel, for the first time ever my Future Self didn’t seem to be playing the role of the cheerleader OR the coach.
My Future Self is there.
I can sense her.
But she feels a bit further away than she ever has before.
I’ve been sitting with that emotion all morning. Wondering what lesson my Future Self has for me today. That’s when my eyes darted to one line from the letter to my Future Self that I wrote down and hung up so I don’t have to wait a year to remember:
Writing this down felt really important to me as it didn’t feel accurate just a few short weeks ago.
Early in March, I wasn’t doing so great. Feelings of panic, chest tightness and anxiety dominated. I would wake up in the middle of the night with the panic being so overwhelming that I had to lie on the cold floor to try to distract my mind. Many days I could not regulate my breathing and my heart felt like it would jump out of my chest.
Finally, after two weeks of the chest tightness persisting, I decided to workout in my basement—determined to show my mind that this was in fact anxiety and not a health issue. The workout did the trick. For one hour the chest pain dissipated, signaling that I was not in fact in danger.
Every day after got a bit easier. There are still hard days—no doubt—but overall, I feel I am handling this period of time better than I would have thought. It turns out, I am stronger than I thought I was.
That statement, “You are doing better than you thought you would,” is a huge testament to my Current Self. The version of me that needs to get up every day and fight.
Fight to make the best of each and every day.
Fight to keep dreaming, even when dreams seem more elusive than ever.
Fight to take steps each day, even if they are small, so that I keep moving forward.
And fight for those who can’t fight, or don’t feel ready yet to fight.
It turns out that my Current Self is pretty powerful—more powerful than perhaps I gave her credit for. She is serving as a source of comfort during a time where living in the moment feels more important than living in the future. She is also offering up lessons and insights about my values and aspirations that I don’t think I would have previously picked up upon.
I have never spent time with my Current Self like this before. In many ways, I think my Future Self knows I need this time and has made room for this version. It’s why she is there, but not as strong as normal.
Turns out the two are in cahoots 😉
No matter where you find yourself today—mentally, spiritually and physically—YOU can provide yourself a comfort and resiliency that perhaps you didn’t realize you possessed.
Sometimes, it will come from our Past Self, who reminds us of the unthinkable hardship we have already overcome so that we can continue to fight back each day.
Other times it will come from our Current Self, who reminds us to live in the present moment and open our minds and hearts to the flood of lessons about our self.
And sometimes, it will come from our Future Self, who will continue to champion our dreams and wishes for “the other side of this.”
Many times, if we make room, our comfort can come from all the versions of our selves.
Sending strength, love, hope and comfort to each and every one of you <3
Carrie is committed to affecting change and fueled by desire to take action. Carrie is the Founder and CEO of the Women in Leadership Nexus®. She is also the Vice President of Marketing at SQA Group. Carrie was named the 2019 "Woman to Watch" in the Providence Business News' Professional Services category; a 2019 winner on the RI Inno 50 On Fire List; a 2017 Rhode Island “40 Under 40” honoree and a 2016 Rhode Island Tech10 Winner.